i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
