totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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