Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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