I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
