I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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