my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
