you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
