we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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