The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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