so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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