we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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