HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This is the high leading the old right now
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
