I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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