rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
