is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
