He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
