I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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