pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
