I got chris browned last night
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
