I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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