We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
