as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
