I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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