btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
