I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
