Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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