she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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