i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
