well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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