Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
