The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
