I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
