Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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