i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
jump out the window naked night went bad
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
