Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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