First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
