how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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