Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I will be naked everywhere
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
