There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
