Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
