They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
