he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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