She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
