using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
