you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
