I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
