i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
