Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize