I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
