there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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