Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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