Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
