Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
