haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
