I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
