smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
