Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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