Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I am naked and annoyed.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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