I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
