So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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