i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
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It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
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I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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