I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
