he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
