now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
