You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
