how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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