I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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