I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
