I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
