This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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