Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
