For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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