don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
